The Discipline of Relationships: Coaching as a Transformational Space
This week, my journey with Barefoot Coaching Ltd took a deeper turn. We moved away from frameworks like GROW and STOKERS to explore the foundation of all coaching: the relationship.
Before diving into tools, we reflected on our personal experiences of what makes a relationship work—and what breaks it. For me, the "breakers" are clear: people who take up too much space, an absence of listening, and a lack of empathy. Because I value these traits so highly, their absence feels particularly jarring.
The Coaching Triangle: A Third Entity
In professional coaching, we often discuss the interaction between two people. However, we explored a more nuanced concept: The Coaching Triangle. In this model, the relationship isn't just a byproduct of the interaction; it is a separate, third element that both the coach and the client must nurture and protect. It is a "transformational space" where change becomes possible.
This space is where the client is empowered to take charge, make bold decisions, and experiment with change. While trust is the fuel for this triangle, it doesn't always require similarity or shared backgrounds. Trust can grow just as effectively through deep curiosity and mutual respect.
"How You Are is How You Coach"
A quote from Eve Turner resonated deeply with me during the session: “How you are is how you coach.” Your presence, your values, and the way you show up inevitably shape the coaching container. This is a reminder that coaching isn't just a skill I "do"—it is an extension of who I am. As I progress, I fully expect to learn as much about myself as I do about my clients. Staying aware of my own biases, culture, and context is part of the discipline.
From Coaching to Leadership: Intentionality
This reflection has powerful implications for leadership. In many corporate environments, relationships with our teams are often assumed rather than intentionally built. We fall into patterns of convenience or utility.
But these relationships shape everything: the quality of feedback, the level of psychological safety, and ultimately, how people show up at work. If we aren't intentional about building the relationship "entity," we leave the success of our teams to chance.
As coaches, we are encouraged to stay curious about what is happening in the relationship rather than assuming it is fixed. Imagine the shift in a workplace if leaders applied that same curiosity to their teams.
A question for the leaders and managers following this series: How intentional are you about the "third element" in your professional relationships? Do you nurture the relationship itself, or just the tasks within it?
