The Discipline of Listening: Moving from Problem Solver to Coach
I recently attended my first coaching class with Barefoot Coaching Ltd.
If I had to summarize my biggest takeaway so far, it is this: Coaching is not just about listening to what someone says; it is about listening to how they think.
The Power of the Mirror
When we coach, we meet the person exactly where they are. We reflect back like a mirror. Sometimes, simply repeating what someone said allows them to hear it differently. Occasionally, they realize that what they said does not quite match what they believe. That moment of cognitive dissonance is incredibly powerful.
I am finding myself deeply curious about the mechanics of thought, how people figure things out and reach conclusions. There is something deeply respectful about allowing someone to reach their own conclusion. The reward is always more significant when the breakthrough is theirs, not yours.
The Challenge for the "Problem Solver"
This is where it gets interesting for me. I am a problem solver by nature. I build, I fix, and I unblock. As a Delivery Lead, that instinct has served me well. As a coach, however, it can get in the way.
How I show up matters. My need to solve someone’s problem is not the point. I do not need to provide the answers; my role is to create the conditions for them to find their own way. The goal is for the client to leave the session feeling more capable of mobility, not more dependent on me.
Structure and Silence
We explored the Egan 3-stage model and how each stage requires different skills, tools, and attitudes. Coaching is not just one long, flowing conversation—it has a necessary structure and requires intentional shifts.
We also practiced the discipline of "uninterrupted listening" for five minutes. No fixing, no reframing, and no jumping in. Just listening. I genuinely enjoyed noticing the words being chosen, the emotions beneath them, and the "waves" of thinking.
Key Takeaways for My Practice:
The Reflection Model: We experimented with the What, So What, Now What framework. It's simple on paper but requires real nuance in practice.
The "Me Too" Trap: I’m learning to be mindful of saying “me too.” While it creates connection, it can accidentally shift the spotlight away from the client.
Contracting Silence: If I change the way I show up (e.g., being more silent), I need to "contract" it. Silence can be uncomfortable for those not used to it, and as a coach, I need to signpost that space.
I am unlearning as much as I am learning.
Are you a natural problem solver? How easy—or difficult—is it for you to resist the urge to "fix" things for others? Let me know in the comments below.
