The Discipline of Stepping Aside
During our latest cohort session in my coaching training with Barefoot Coaching Ltd, we had our first mentor coaching practice.
I realised that sometimes, the clearest way to understand coaching is to step out of it.
Learning by Observing Coaching
Because we were an odd number, I volunteered to step out of the usual coach/coachee role.
Instead, I observed.
Listening closely.
Assessing the session against the core competencies.
Much like our tutor would.
And honestly, that taught me far more than I expected.
I watched two coaching conversations unfold — completely different in style, tone and energy.
I saw coaches shine.
I saw coachees think beyond their usual patterns, reaching ideas they hadn’t considered before.
But what struck me most was everything happening beyond the words.
What Happens Beyond Words in Coaching
By focusing purely on listening, I started noticing things I would have previously missed:
the specific language each person chose
moments of mirroring
subtle (and sometimes very visible) physical shifts
It made me realise how much information lives outside of what is explicitly said.
Coaching isn’t just about words.
It is also about what is felt, expressed, and revealed non-verbally.
A Different Kind of Learning Environment
We often watch tutors demonstrate coaching with volunteers during class.
But this felt different.
There was no hierarchy.
No sense of needing to perform or “get it right.”
Just peers learning together.
And that created a different kind of honesty.
Key Coaching Lessons From Observation
A few key lessons stood out from this session:
Words matter — always ask what something means to the coachee (for example “challenge” or “confidentiality”)
Open questions create space, closed questions limit it
Silence is powerful — leave more pauses than feels comfortable
Goals need clarity — agree on a clear outcome for the session
Help visualise success and make it tangible
Our tutor also shared something that stayed with me:
Sometimes a client arrives with a cloud — a mix of thoughts, emotions and scattered ideas around their goal.
Our role is not to explore everything, but to help them focus on what truly matters for this session.
Precision in questioning becomes essential.
There Is No One Way to Coach
I left the session with a simple takeaway:
Come as you are.
There is no one way to be a coach.
And no one way to be a client.
And that is exactly what makes coaching so powerful.
A Reflection on Stepping Aside
So I’ll leave you with this:
Where in your life could stepping aside teach you more than stepping in?
